Countdown until 2008

I cannot believe that Christmas has already come and gone. It seems like just yesterday Brad and I were passing out Halloween candy to the neighborhood kids, and now we're preparing to welcome 2008 in less than a week. The past three months have been a complete whirlwind. Between work, family and occassional planning time has flown by--faster than I could have ever imagined.

In August when Brad and I picked a date in March, I remember feeling like we had FOREVER to wait. Time couldn't pass fast enough. Yesterday I had my first realization that despite what I might have previously thought, time was passing and I needed to catch up. I woke up with a desperate desire to start creating lists of things I need to accomplish now, or perhaps yesterday. I'm a huge fan of "To Do" lists, actually, I can hardly function without them. About halfway through my most recent list, I realized that there are far more things left to do than I had originally thought. The most unfortunate thing about planning a wedding at the same time as someone else in your family is that there isn't always enough time to handle things in advance--it's the first things first philosophy. Until last week the Walls-Stripling wedding was on hold, and now I must make decisions in a haste. I need invitations, favors, flower girl dresses, tuxes, an event designer--and a lot more that I can't even begin to type! These things weren't urgent when Allie only had 3 months to plan, but now that I'm down to less than three months, they are quite important. I have to make some decisions, and I have to do it fast.

I imagine the next couple of weeks will be some of the most stressful. I actually kind of hope they are--making decisions will eliminate other stresses. I am dying to have all of these details ironed out--obviously I'm not a fan of the last minute. As I've said before, I'm a planner and advance plans are my favorite.

Oh the things to do... I have to get to work!

Love!

The grand scheme of things...

If you know anything about me, you know that I'm very fond of sticking to a "vision" or a theme of sorts. I like to have a look and stick with it--carry it out into even the tiniest details. Every event I've ever planned has a clear theme. At one time I had a very clear vision of how my wedding day would "look" and while I'm still going for the classic, elegant fairytale princess concept my old color scheme is out the door and now we're moving on to plan B.


If you've heard my vision of a pink and brown wedding--pretend you never did and start imagining something new. Imagine a romantic, candle lit setting with shades of pink, sahara and, despite my overwhelming desire to prevent it from appearing anywhere on my wedding day, BLACK! I should explain that I have nothing against black at weddings, but Allie's was entirely black and white, so in an effort to keep some guests from feeling like they went to the same event twice, I made an effort to keep it out of all March 8th plans.

Well, my trusty everyday color (I don't know how I ever made it without my black Michael Stars turtleneck) has crept into my big day, in the form of a sash. The six sashes that adorn my otherwise perfect bridesmaids dresses have black undersides! How did this happen?!? It was all a big misunderstanding between the store and the designer, that everyone was incredibly apologetic for. The shantung fabric is absolutely perfect, the sahara shade is just what I had in mind but then when you tie the bow--surprise, it's not sahara like the other side, it's a deep onyx. I couldn't possibly have brown AND black, so the sash wins--black it is.


The colors are new, but in the grand scheme of things I don't think it will matter that much. I'm very anxious to flesh out my new concept, maybe it's all for the best. Now the girls will have a much easier time finding shoes--that's a plus. All in all, it's probably the first of many things that won't go exactly as planned, but hey, I prefer surpsises 80 days out, rather than the day of, so I'm counting my blessings!

We ordered our engagement proofs today! We love the photographers we are working with and can't wait to see the creative concepts they have in mind for our day. I'll share more pictures when I have them. We're getting closer and closer...

Love!

81 days to go!

My blog now officially has a purpose--tracking my life in the days leading up to the wedding! Exciting, huh?


First bit of news--we have a honeymoon spot! Yeah for us! After weeks of contemplating (and watching the air fares rise and being mislead by a certain travel agent) we finally decided on Couples Swept Away in Jamaica. We'll be there March 10-15 and I am already counting down the days. I think it will make the perfect setting for our first week of marriage. Check out the resort at http://www.couples.com/.


If you're wondering why I didn't think of this wedding tracking thing before, I have been reluctant to post too much about it because the focus has generally been on Allie's big day (fair enough, I get Dec. 16-March 8, haha) and for me, it was on surviving Allie's big day myself. Yes, I'm her big sister and quite possessive. I didn't realize that I was so possessive until I had to start thinking about sharing her with someone else. I honestly hate the idea, but as of Saturday I no longer have a choice (okay, I didn't really have one before but I felt a little more in control than I do now). She's happy and therefore I'm happy for her. I survived her special day and in all honesty it was absolutely wonderful. She was truly stunning--one of the most beautiful brides I have ever seen! All of the extravagance of course made me an emotional wreck who couldn't look at her without crying, but nonetheless I made it without causing too much of a scene and I'm officially moving into the acceptance phase (I don't have a choice, right?). Isn't she pretty?


Well, now that I have a purpose I assume that I'll be posting much more frequently. I am incredibly excited about my upcoming wedding and LOVE being able to share the details.

Love!

Just how far from the tree can the apple fall?

I've been thinking a lot about families. Perhaps it's because I've learned (indirectly) that not only can you not pick your family, but you surely can't control them. While I agree with the "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" philosophy on some accounts, on others I can't seem to figure out if some people came from the same planet, let alone the same tree!

My repetitive analysis of families probably stems from my realization that in 130 days I'll be joining Brad's family and he'll be joining mine (I tend to think he's getting the better deal, but hey, who isn't at least a bit partial?). Also, in less than two months, thanks to Allie, we'll be adding a new member to our family. I've coped to the thought of Brad joining the dynamic, I actually really like that concept, but the thought of another outsider--gasp! My heart breaks--I didn't choose this one and I will have zero control on what he does to the mixture that I've loved for so long.

Obviously, this causes me some distress. What will happen to my idea of the "perfect" (haha) family? Will my little kitten be taken away? I should probably go ahead and admit (if it's not already obvious) that I typically don't like change at all, and I'll probably have severe issues with this merging of families, but I'm already working on my acceptance theory. I have to keep an open mind--a straight path to my goal "NO CHANGE." I want Allie around like usual, and most importantly, the holidays MUST remain the same. The thought of waking up on Christmas morning without my sister there, yikes! The mere thought makes me cringe. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the same nostalgia towards things like this that I do, and quite frankly she likely won't even think about the Christmas dynamic until a day or two before (if we're lucky). Ahh, the heartache.

Now for the other aspect, joining someone else's family. I think back to when I used to go on vacations with my friends. It always seemed like a good idea, and I usually always had a great time, but neverless by the end of the week, I was always ready to get back to my normalcy--my family. I am very used to (and happy with) the way my family functions and when I lose that structure for too long... I don't do well. I have a hard time understanding how certain famillies function, and while it doesn't really bother me in the grand scheme of things, I am very reluctant to partake.

After March 8, I won't have an option. The whole "to death do us part thing" encompasses a joining of two families and I'll instantly have new "sisters" and nieces and nephews and all sorts of other relatives. This excites me to a degree, (who doesn't need more people to love them, right?) yet on another level I am very nervous. This family is different than the one I was born into. They don't have to like me, they don't even have to love me--wow! There is no guarantee that we're going to fit perfectly together like me and my family, and there's no guarantee that we'll even bond like families do.

Oh so much to think about... however, the bright side is that families can be sent home and the one addition to my family that I can control is perfect. We fit, and I can only hope that the family we create will be just as special as the one I've valued for so long.

Is it Monday already?

Wow, what a weekend! Friday we left for a journey to Jacksonville, FL--an adventure that it seems like Brad has been waiting for forever. For two years he's been talking about the FSU vs. UA football game that only happens once every million years in his mind. The road trip was long, but definitely worth it to see him so excited. Once he joined his fellow Seminoles, you would have thought he won the lottery!

We spent the weekend with Sissy's brother and his friend Michael. We couldn't have asked for a better place to stay or more hospitable hosts. They were wonderful and I'm confident that our trip would have been much more stressful had we been left to fend for ourselves in the city of numerous bridges and dreadful construction. However, overall, Jacksonville was fantastic and I'm glad I got at least a glimpse of what the city has to offer.

Now, it's Monday and back to the same old stuff...work! Today has seemed so long that I'm almost convinced that it has to be at least Thursday. Unfortunately, 4 more days until the weekend (but only 3 until my birthday celebration begins!).

WAR EAGLE!

Changes...

Times change...quickly!

Have you ever noticed that nothing you plan out "perfectly" ever seems to work out that way? Things change and often things evolve into something much better than you'd ever seen coming.

I remember being so incredibly excited to graduate high school and move as far away from home as possible. I wanted to create a new life somewhere else--one filled with far more excitement than I'd ever known (yeah, right) and all new friends. I didn't even know if I wanted to be in Alabama, I had the typical assumption that the grass was greener somewhere else. Well... we all know how that worked out. While I loved my time in Mobile, I knew it wasn't a permanent fit for me. I couldn't see my future there and I was scared to say my plans were wrong. I made it all of 10 months away from home and then I was back. Back not only living in my parents house, but also back with the boy I'd known for years and the boy most thought would be the least likely match for me. Times changed before I knew it and surprisingly enough, I was completely okay. This turned out to be the best decision I ever made. Not only was I able to spend much more time with the one I love, but I also was able to explore my career path more extensively. I gained experience that I never would have in Mobile, I met people that would eventually lead me to professional careers, I found a love for Birmingham (yes, I was surprised too) and I developed a deep relationship with my family that can't be matched.

Then there was the post graduation plan. I never imagined that just six months into my first job as a college graduate that I would resign. My plan changed with one phone call. Now, I'm on job number two and I still don't know what I'm doing, but I have learned to not even try to predict what lies ahead.

Now, I say all of that to get to the point that the love, engagement, marriage process is not quite working out like I'd always imagined. It's much more complicated than that, but I'm realizing that I'm glad my plan didn't happen. Instead of having my prince charming come in and sweep me off my feet with a plan for the rest of our lives, Brad and I are rescuing each other. I'm his princess and he's my prince and we're planning our lives together. There is no predetermined plan and we are happy with that. No, I don't have the diamond on my hand yet, but we know that we're going to spend our lives together and we're planning for the future. He has a plan for the engagement process (or so he says) so it's left up to the both of us to decide important things like where we're going to live, how we're going to spend our money and what we want out of a marriage. Before now we hadn't really talked in depth about these things and when we had mentioned them in passing, it was usually a forced and awkward conversation that left me terrified about what was to come. Times have changed... We have meaningful chats about what we want from life and what we expect of each other. We're moving in the right direction and I'm very excited.

I'm anxious to see what other changes lie ahead for me. Some will undoubtedly seem to be for the worse while others will be some of the most exciting parts of my life. While change is scary on the outside, I'm learning that it is quite possibly something I should look forward to and certainly embrace when it comes around. You never know what's lurking around the corner...

Something New

Well... I must admit it, I'm a blog skeptic. While I love reading blogs of people I know (it amazes me the things that go on inside people's heads that you didn't know about), I have never been a fan of publicly sharing my thoughts. For now, my blog is strictly for my use. It's not published because I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to use it for and I'm not sure that I'm brave enough to have people know what's really going on inside MY head. Perhaps, I'll use it mostly as a way to get things out without having to actually write with a pen, as I have abandoned my actual journal due to laziness.

I used to love to write. I was that nerd in sixth grade that thought I'd write the next great novel. Granted, my favorite books at the time were Sweet Valley High, I knew I liked to read and maybe on some level I figured I had to write at least as good as that author whose name I cannot remember. I do rememeber that those books made me want to do make a difference. The bright eyed, blonde twins were always doing something out of the ordinary, whether it be starting community clean up days, or selling lemonade for a good cause, they seemed to always have it together. I used to have that mindset--I was going to take on the world and as cliche as it sounds, I was going to make a difference.

Time changes these aspirations, or at least our perceptions of their possibility. Do I still want to make a difference? Of course I do, the lines are just a bit more blurred now. It's harder to start and it's even harder for me to decide what to start with. I lack the inspiration that I once had, the belief in myself and my ideas, and more importantly I lack the passion for things. Where does that go? How did I become this person?

It's hard to imagine that in just ten years I have changed so drastically. I used to be the first to volunteer to read aloud, I was the 4H public speaking champion, I wrote letters to congressmen and even town officials about things I thought should be changed, but now... now I get nervous and shakey when I speak in public (yes I work in public relations, go figure!), I have no idea how to ignite change, or perhaps I know how, I'm just no longer brave enough to do it. I speak up, soemtimes too much, but it doesn't seem to have the same effect anymore. I admit, not arrogantly, that I am respected (for the most part) in my field. I know my stuff and I'm not scared to ask for help, or do the research to help myself. I just don't have the same go get 'em, I'm ready for the world, I love life attitude anymore and realizing that breaks my heart.

How do you get it back? I don't have the crazy personable side that I once did, well I still have it, it just comes out much less often. I do a great job of whipping it out at work, or in other obvious social situations, but it's the one on one, the balance that I struggle with now. I'm self absorbed and can't escape. How does this happen? I certainly care about people, I'm a relentless worrier, but I can't seem to move from having the desire in my mind, to actually taking action. Where do you begin? How do you begin?

It's obvious that I have issues...wow, a lot of them! However, I think this blogging is going to be good for me. I can get things out and think about them, without having to bog down my friends, I can focus more on general things, worldly events, etc. rather than myself... this might be just what I need!